doodles and babbles

Monday, May 29, 2006

I'm getting tired of what I'm doing in the Medical City... As I can see it now, they don't really need an additional staff in HR. Kasi, feeling ko, nauubsan ako ng work. Hindi dahil sa mabilis ako gumawa. Pero dahil walang ineendorse sakin. Yung immediate superior ko kasi, busy rin kaya hindi niya rin ako masabihan kung ano ang mga dapat kong gawin. Sa ngayon, ang mga ginagawa ko lang ay gumawa ng certificate of employment, at ayusing ang files sa kwarto ng ex-boss namin na nag resign.

Now this brings me to my dilemma. Part of me, of course, wants to get a stable job as soon as possible so I can start helping out with my family and save up for my future. But another part of me (which I think is a lot bigger part) just wants to end this contract I have with TMC. Kasi nga, parang... talagang nabo-bore ako sa ginagawa ko. Pero siyempre, what can I expect? I'm the lowliest in position among them. Ako ang bago. So start talaga sa simula. I know that great things start from small beginnings... It's not that I feel degraded. It's just that I'm bored. I know myself too well... I get tired easily with things I do again... and again... and again... and again...

But I tell you guys... God is ever faithful. it is only through Him that I am able to cope up with all of these things--with work, with the growing ministry, with the great responsibility at hand to shepherd the flock of youth God has given to us. It is only by His grace. And by His grace alone... No more. No less.

For now, I'm not so bothered with my growing tiredness of work in TMC. But what bothers me is when I get tired with my work in the ministry. It scares me to think that someday, I might burn-out of fire to serve the Lord and to serve His people. That's what I am guarding myself of right now. I'm really really praying to God that He would really give me the strength to run the race and win the prize for Him at the finish line. That he would equip me to win the raging battle within me--my spirit against my flesh--and within the ministry as well. Everytime I think of some of the past youth leaders that grew weary and tired, and finally succumbed to the deceiving offers of this world, it scares me a lot. It could happen to me. It could definitely happen to me. That's why I'm really praying for God's protection and preservation. Wisdom, strength, patience, love... everything that I have to have in order to live up a true Christian life--holy before the Lord. Purely consecrated for Him. Worthy to belong in His kingdom.

All of us youth servant-leaders in our church must be struggling as well. Especially my two siblings in Christ, who are really in a big struggle as well. Just like me. God is faithful. And if we would just cry out to Him and call on to His name, He will never forsake us. He will be the one to give us the strength to finish the race, to win the battle!

I really pray that I would be able to carry out my responsibilities as a daughter to my parents and to my heavenly Father, and as servant-leader as well.

By God's grace alone. By God's grace alone.

11:41 PM
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