doodles and babbles

Monday, February 13, 2006

Good thing I decided to attend church last Sunday befoer going to sport psych practicum (But then again, I'm very sorry to PLP because I didn't tell them earlier that I wouldn't be able to make it in the morning. Sorry again...)

Anyways, as I was saying, I made the right decision to attend church. For in the message of our guest speaker, Rev. Alen Claycomb, I heard God's assuring words for me. He has prepared us for His greater glory in the future. He has laid before us a promising future despite of every circumstance, assured with His covering, anointing, and everlasting love. As long as we walk in His Spirit, continually devoting ourselves to Him, following Him close to His heels, He will be on our side. After all, He is always by our side. It is we who drift afar from Him. But if we will stay close to Him, all the hope and assurance in the world will be in our hearts that can't be find among men. It's only found in Him alone.

So, now, I guess, I have finally found hope. As long as we walk in His path, as long as we walk in His spirit, rest assure that everything will be just fine. :-)

9:39 AM
Scribbler

Thursday, February 09, 2006

It seemed my heartbeat stopped for a while when I read Ate Dianne's post in her blog (she's a close friend of mine in our church. She's my big sis there.) She passed her board exams for Occupational Therapy.

Before her exams, I witnessed her great strife to review for the boards. She had to make sacrifices so she could concentrate on her review. We missed her so much in church. But even she seldom attends church activities for the last few months, I know that she didn't fail to make it up to God by continually feeding her spirit with His word and listening to Him during her constant devotions. Maybe, sometimes, she also felt obligated to have her daily devotion with God. But she overcame it. She overcame it. The hunger and thirst for God came back in her heart. Thus she desired to comune with the Lord, rather feel obligated.

During the entire period of her reiview, she has been completely dependent on the Lord. She drew strength, wisdom, and knowledge from Him. And she brings back all the glory to God as well. Now, she has passed the boards. All her strife and all her sacrifices paid off. Praise God! Praise God for his faithfulness and gratefulness.

As for me, I had mixed emotions right now--they are terribly mixed together, I'm not sure how to describe it. I'm happy for Ate Dianne's achievement, and very grateful for what God has done in her life. She inspires me of her faithfulness and love for God despite of everything. But negative emotions accompanied these happy ones... Doubt. Fright. and yes, envy. I envy her because she's now finish with everything. Now, she's ready to face the real world of work. The real battlefield. I'm scared of what lies ahead of me now... I have still so many things to finish. So many things to accomplish before March. Case study, Psych report, sport psych requirements, marriage presenation, what else? I forgot some. And plus the most dreadful requirement... thesis. As we all know, our group's intervention had significant effect on our participants. I heard that thesis with insignificant effects are really scrutinized by the panel. What's worst, we are the last thesis group to defend. I just hope that our related lit and discussion in Chapter 4 and recommendations in Chapter 5 would be sufficient enough. I am praying right now that the we may all have favor in the eyes of the panel. I want to get through with this thesis. I want to graduate on March.

Now, despite of the great testimony that ate Dianne has, I still have some doubt. It really bugs me. I know that God is very capable of doing it all. He will all let us pass our thesis... that is, if He wants to. If it is in His will. But... what if He has some other plans? What if He wants to give some lesson by... who knows in what way. I know it is very wrong to doubt God. I'm not doubting His unmatchable capablity. Nothing's impossible for Him. But what troubles me is what's in His heart. James 1:6 says, "But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt..." So... I guess... probably, I'm not doing the right thing.

Right now, I just pray that God will give me--and you also, my dear classmates and batchmates --the assurance of His favor. We won't reach as far as this point if it was not for God's faithfulness to us, despite of our unfaithfulness to Him. Let's just trust Him and ask for strength, patience, wisdom, and knowledge to finish it all.

10:29 AM
Scribbler